Upright Keywords: Sabotage, addiction
Symbolism & Meaning
The Devil is a very misunderstood card in the tarot. The card shows a horned figure, the literal devil, sitting on a throne. There are two individuals chained to it, the chain symbolising their desires, addictions, self sabotaging behaviours and fears. This card is a reminder to be aware of our own vices and urges that can lead us away from our true path. We can break free from the chains that bind us and regain control of our lives. In order to do this we need to be willing to take responsibility for our own actions.
How The Devil Card is Relevant to Me
In my case, The Devil points towards self destructive thoughts or behaviours. I need to address the unhealthy coping mechanisms that I am using in my day to day life. This was discussed yesterday in the first of my EMDR sessions. Zoe talked about how I am filling in the gaps with the worst case scenario. We identified the occasions when I tend to do this, mainly when in the car or when I am around traffic and lots of people.
When I am in these situations, my brain goes into hyper vigilant mode and tries to tie what I am seeing in that moment with what may have happened at the time of the accident. Zoe asked me to imagine a place where I feel calm and happy. I chose the canals, imagining myself sat on the well deck of my narrowboat with a glass of wine. The idea is that when I feel anxious out and about, I say the word “narrowboat” to myself. This will serve as a distraction and hopefully relieve the anxiety. She also asked me to cross my hands on my chest and gently tap my shoulders alternatively, whilst thinking about my lovely narrowboat. I tried it, I found it quite difficult and in all honesty, I am a bit sceptical as to whether it will work. This could just be my negative self sabotaging thoughts taking over though.
The sessions are for 8 weeks so I will keep an open mind and try to embrace the process.
The other issue in my day to day life leading to unhealthy thought patterns is pain. My mobility may be improving but the pain is no better today than it was this time last week. Other things are getting worse, mainly the leg spasms I get in bed when I stretch out my legs. I am starting to feel like the pain is something permanent that I am going to have to learn to live with. I find this difficult but I feel like if I tell myself that it is forever, any improvement will make me feel better. I am almost past the point of wanting to stay positive. I was fed up with the NHS issued stick so I bought a cheap one from Amazon. This is part of me accepting that my progress is going to be very slow from herein out.